Realizations to do with passion.

You know, I was a little skeptical about taking film studies at the start of the year as I thought it was a little bit out of my league, like I would never be able to cope with it or even be able to understand it.
I thought it was interesting, one of the coolest things going but I never knew I'd fall into it so well. I never thought I'd grasp it so well.

I have said in years before that I will miss a teacher or miss going to a class, but throughout my school years I remember the teachers that hurt my feelings, that made my life living hell and only a few of the teachers that made a difference, Mr F, Mrs O'D, Ms O'R and now my film studies teacher and my English lit teacher.
I think I will remember them for years and years to come.

Under their wings I have discovered the things I like and love and the things that I really enjoy. I have found my niche and the places I belong and don't belong, they have taught me how things are meant to be and how things could be, they have shown me the depths of my imagination and pulled me back out of it when I have gotten a little ahead of myself.

These people along with my mooma, have all helped me, tremendously, it has taken a long time for me to realize this, it has taken me a long time to realize how much they have helped me and nurtured me. There have been times where I have been incapable of writing or expressing myself because I felt little confidence or I had no belief in myself, they have dragged me out of that self destructive ditch and have made me who I am today, fearless. I am no longer scared of writing and performing. I am no longer fearful of expressing myself. It takes a lot for a writer to put themselves out there, it takes a lot for someone to show off their art when they are shy, heck my drama performance was terrifying, I thought I was about to develop sudden onset incontinence, I thought I was going to piddle on the floor in front of everyone. I had to go to the loo three times before I went into the exam, just to make sure my bladder was relieved entirely, but I did it, and I never forgot a single line, when my bald head itched I improvised and incorporated a strange scratching into my characters list of idiosyncrasies.

I felt the nerves drain out of me, because I remembered all the people that have pushed me in my life, the people that made sure I never gave up and pushed me on wards and upwards.. god believe me when I say that they sometimes drove me absolutely nuts with pestering and the likes, but it paid off well I learnt to do so many more things and I am all the more happy for it.

In 12 days I am going to be performing a bhangra dance for a lot of people. I have to practice but I feel great in knowing that even if I make a right boob out of myself I will still have tried and worked at it. I would still have given it my all and done so passionately and vibrantly. If I can dance in a club like an epileptic gibbon that looks like it is having a seizure and is on crack. Then surely I can Bhangra.

All is well.

F
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